Building a new life outside the United States
Day in the life of an American mom living abroad - Part 1
Two international moves in a year? It seems kind of unhinged when I put it in writing. But that's exactly what happened with our family as we recharted our family's course.
When we picked Portugal as our home for our sabbatical, we knew there was a possibility we wouldn't stay. For one, we had never actually been to Portugal before. My overprepared, type-A self is still shocked that we actually moved to an unknown country. Maybe combining burnout and pregnancy hormones is an impulsive cocktail. Secondly, we didn't know what life would throw at us, and unfortunately, our savings started to dry up in the midst of the collapse of the remote job market for tech companies.
When my husband's job search ramped up, we knew Portugal wasn’t an option. The Portugal job market is just not there, even in the tech industry, which is emerging in Lisbon. So, without the remote job market, which was booming when we made the decision to move, we started looking at alternatives that didn't involve returning to the United States.
I'm still shocked we landed in Paris. I'm not a Francophile who daydreamed of owning a little pied-à-terre in the City of Light. I took one semester of French in junior high, couldn't understand a damn thing (oye with the silent letters 😵💫), and gave up. Of all my travels, I've spent the most amount of time in Paris, and even after four trips, I candidly still didn't understand the hype. Before moving here, Paris was loud, dirty, expensive, and unapproachable.
So, when my husband and I considered other European cities where we'd have a chance at getting a job, Paris wasn't even on the list. London? With a London-worthy salary, of course. Copenhagen? Top of the list. Berlin? Maybe a little too cool for me, but I'm game. But, Paris? Only if we had to.
A few months into the job search, my husband scored an interview in Paris. I assumed he'd get some interview practice, and we'd continue looking. But at the same time, there was this nagging feeling that France was where we needed to be. I'm so grateful I listened to that little voice (and my husband landed the job!) because after moving to this city, I can finally understand the magic everyone loves about this place.
Anyway, while memories of Portugal are still fresh and I've settled into Paris long enough to have some routines, I thought I'd answer some of the questions I get most often about living abroad.
Covering two countries in one post is getting a little long, so I’ll break it into pieces. Did I miss your question? Add it below, and I’ll cover as many as possible in the series.
Do you speak French or Portuguese?
Nope. I studied Spanish in school and only took that measly semester of French. While some people say knowing Spanish will help me learn Portuguese, I could not disagree more. The languages are similar enough to be confusing, and locals are sometimes offended when you speak Spanish. I fully understand that they are two different languages, but sometimes I could only remember Spanish, or the languages would merge in my head. European Portuguese is an incredibly difficult language to learn, even Brazilian Portuguese is easier in my opinion. Once I realized we weren't staying, I stopped learning the language altogether.
I'm embarrassed to say I barely learned Portuguese, and I'm not repeating that mistake in Paris. I'm taking private lessons with a tutor through Preply, and I've found French to be so much easier to learn a couple of decades after my first attempt. Even my four-year-old in a bilingual French/English school is starting to speak the language at home. In pure preschooler style, my son mocks my husband every time he attempts to speak French. Lots of pointing, laughing, and "Dad, that's not French!" going on in our household. Kids will always keep you humble.
I found it was easier to get by with English in Portugal than here in France. Either way, you truly need to know the local language to thrive (also, it's respectful of the country you immigrated to).
Was it easy to find schools and childcare?
Finding a school and people I trust to care for my little guys (now 4 and 2 years old) is, without a doubt, my least favorite part of settling into a new place. I'd rather fill out a thousand visa applications than navigate schooling. I’ve found Portugal's system is rather straightforward, but navigating childcare in Paris has been a bit more complex.
For my four-year-old, we opted for private, bilingual international schools in both Portugal and France. Our decision prioritized integrating him into the local language but in a supportive way. Both schools in Portugal and France have provided high-quality education, and my son has adapted well to both schools. In France, we used a relocation service that supported finding a place in a curriculum that fit best for our family. In Paris, getting placement into a school is more difficult than finding an apartment(and landing an apartment isn’t easy 😅), so we chose our neighborhood and school first.
For my youngest, we chose to go with a nanny rather than traditional daycare in Portugal, as it gave our family the most flexible support. Every person we hired in Porto was absolutely amazing. They felt like an extension of our family in a new country. I found it incredibly easy to hire someone who was a good fit for our family through Facebook expat groups or an app called Babysit. Everyone we hired was bilingual in Portuguese and English and cared for children in the U.S. or England.
In France, we are still finalizing childcare coverage for my little guy. I just secured 1-day a week in the public crèche (AKA daycare). I've found finding a crèche spot more difficult here in Paris. Publicly subsided spots go fast. Plus, many employers buy up spots in daycare systems microcrèche, and we missed the cut-off for a spot through my husband's job. Private crèche, regulated in-home care (assistant maternelle), and nannies are all available but significantly more expensive without access to tax credits and income-based subsidies via CAF. Fingers crossed, I will have all that paperwork sorted out by the end of the year!
Do you have a car?
Nope! When we left Seattle, we sold both cars and haven’t looked back. I dreamed of that idealistic 15-minute city (an urban planning concept with most necessities within a 15-minute walk). I could walk, metro, bus, or bike wherever I needed to go, just like I did in our little Seattle neighborhood of Ballard over ten years ago.
Most of our commutes here in Paris are easier to navigate than in Porto. While Porto’s public transportation system is new and expanding, it’s still much easier to get anywhere by car, particularly with kids. Porto is hilly and full of cobblestone sidewalks, and the metro line isn’t easy for many neighborhoods to get to (or completely absent). After carrying children and groceries up and down those hills, I was in the best shape of my life, but I don’t miss it, nor the long hour-and-a-half bus rides to school twice daily.
After living in the city center, I fully appreciate why many families leave for the outer suburbs with flat, wide streets, access to Porto via the metro, and far more car-friendly. If we stayed in Porto, we’d definitely need to get a car. Fun fact: Portugal is one of the most expensive places in Europe to own a car. I had a huge sticker shock when looking at buying even used cars, but thankfully, we could fill in with affordable car rentals (as low as €12/day in the offseason🤯) as needed.
On the other hand, Paris is significantly easier to navigate with kids. We took our lessons from our painful Porto commutes and picked the school first, then our apartment nearby. Now, our commute to school is only a 15-minute walk, the metro station is a 7-minute walk, and my husband’s commute to the office is only 25 minutes by metro. We can walk to multiple grocery stores, specialty stores, boulangeries, restaurants, etc. in minutes. The biggest downside is most metro stops do not have elevators, making it a fun workout to navigate with a stroller. That said, I’ve had countless considerate Parisians stop to help me carry the stroller up the never-ending flights of stairs, and the bus or tram system is a breeze with a stroller.
What was the visa process like?
Let's just call it out from the top—the sheer amount of paperwork required to move to a new country is unreal. Between visa applications, residency applications, opening bank accounts, setting up utilities, and school enrollment, the forms are never-ending. France has quite the reputation for having brutal administrative processes, but in my humble opinion, they've got nothing on Portugal.
We paid for immigration and relocation services when moving to Portugal and France. For our Portugal move, I was about to give birth and didn't have the capacity to research every single step, technicality, and form on my own. Since we moved while on sabbatical, we chose a passive income visa (AKA a D7 visa) with a family reunification option.
But even the best support wouldn't fix a deeply broken and backlogged immigration system. While my husband received his visa and residency cards after 11 months from start to finish, the boys and I didn't even have the option to apply for our residency permit because of agency closures and a backlog of hundreds of thousands of applications. So, we were in a lovely gray area without access to social systems like public healthcare and couldn't travel outside Portugal. I had moved to Europe to travel, and being unable to leave the country put quite a damper on my plans.
In France, my husband's company covered immigration services. We have a long-stay visa and an EU Blue Card (work and residency permit). The French system has moved much more quickly but has more cumbersome paperwork requirements. We got our visas back in a week (Portugal took four months), and we both already have our residency approvals, including travel approval. We are still waiting for our residency cards, social security numbers, and the boys' travel documents. Still, the process has been significantly easier and more straightforward than my experience in Portugal.
If I were to move to Portugal all over again, I’d skip hiring an immigration lawyer. Instead, I’d use the wealth of information that the Facebook group Americans & FriendsPT put together. That group is my top recommendation for anyone looking to move to Portugal.
Whew! That was a lot to cover. Moving abroad has become a bit of a hot-button topic lately, so in this series, I’ll continue to cover what it’s really like to live abroad. Next up? Topics like food, shopping, parenting style differences, and healthcare.
Do you have a question about what it’s like to live abroad? Drop it in the comments below. I’ll cover as many as I can in this series. ✨
If you’re new to
, first of all, welcome! I’m so excited you’re here. If you want to learn more about my journey, check out my previous post -
As always, I’m so grateful you’re here.
Until next time,
