The day I decided to quit it all and move to Portugal
+ how you can do your own desire-pulling exercise
What good is life if you don’t make potentially unhinged leaps every once in a while? At a minimum, this story that began in 2021 will make for a memorable party ice-breaker. So far, I've had zero regrets, but there's still always time.
My first break was at three in the afternoon. That’s not exactly great, but I’ve had worse days. I emerged from my home office ravenous from skipping lunch… again. I grabbed a snack and headed down to my husband’s basement office. Fingers crossed, my husband’s break lined up with mine.
But before I turned the corner, I caught a glimpse of melted metal on the stovetop. “WTF?” I thought to myself. I made a mental note to ask my husband about it.
A perk of working from home with your husband is that he can’t really say no to your midday vent sessions. When you have no one else in the house, you quickly become each other’s work therapists. It’s almost a given that at some point every day, I’ll sit on the steps to the basement and exchange the latest play-by-play of our jobs. But that afternoon, I had zero desire to unpack the office drama. There was something else on my mind, and for that, I blamed my younger sister.
A few days before, my sister finally convinced me to do a desire-pulling exercise. She claimed it was a tool to unearth some of the truths I was afraid to acknowledge, even to myself. Much to her pleasure, she wasn’t wrong.
The term “desire-pulling” makes it sound way more exciting and woo-woo than it really is - here’s how you do it:
3 Steps to Desire-Pulling:
Find someone you trust and is a great listener. You want someone who can tune into your deeper desires and look past the superficial responses.
Set a timer for 15 minutes.
Your trustworthy person will ask you any variation of “What do you want/crave/desire/long for?” and record answers. You can give any answer as long as it’s not a repeat.
When the timer goes off, they will reflect back to the most powerful answers they heard.
You can do this by yourself with a pen and paper, but it’s incredibly helpful to do this with someone who can pick up on your body language, tone, etc. Often, the truths lie not in what you say but in how you say it.
If my sister gave you a recap, she’d say I had a lovely (obviously), yet random assortment of answers. The answers probably ranged from tacos to having healthy kids, traveling, being successful, leaving an impact, etc. But, at some point, the easy answers run out. Tired after only six minutes, I probably muttered. “I’d love for you to stop asking me this stupid question.” Fifteen minutes is longer than you think when someone incessantly asks you the same question over and over.
Finally, you hit a few deep nerves when you finally run out of theatrics (like complaining about the exercise) and whatever is within easy reach (like tacos). Oh, did I mention I was four months pregnant with my second kid when we did this? Anyway, this entire exercise is designed to tease out the good stuff. The desires you don’t speak of or aren’t even consciously aware of.
When the timer chimed and the interrogation was over, she zeroed in on one statement I whispered – “to quit my job and move to Europe.” I remember mumbling it so quietly, almost like a breath. It seemed absolutely ridiculous at the time. But in my defense, if you’ve ever read Eat, Pray, Love, isn’t that your dream, too? To leave the chaos of your life behind with wild abandon and move to a country that celebrates living and delicious food?
So, on this random weekday, with a baby dancing around in my belly as a real reminder of what was at stake, I sat on the stairs, waiting for the opportune moment to propose completely upending our lives to my husband. Is there ever a right moment to spring that on someone?
I was so convinced that the unemployment life in Europe with two babies was such a nonstarter that I didn’t even prepare talking points. He had to be the sane one, right? I was expecting he’d laugh it off and dismiss the foolish notion because, let’s be honest, it was an absolutely ludicrous idea.
I waited for a pause in his typing and casually threw out, “Hey Josh, what do you think about quitting our jobs and moving to Europe?” In seconds, he responded, “Yeah, let’s do it.” No hotly debating the topic. No talking him into it. No thinking through how insane the proposition was.
That was it.
It turns out that I ambushed my husband only hours after he tried to burn down the kitchen during his own back-to-back meeting marathon. The pool of metal on my stove? That was the side of the pan he melted off while incinerating lunch and setting off the fire alarm. I could barely recall the fire alarm interrupting my meetings. Maybe I should have checked on that? Whoops.
Clearly, I wasn’t the only one who needed a change of pace.
In mere seconds, two rational individuals decided to quit their jobs, take a year-long sabbatical, and move to a country they’d never been to before, with a toddler and baby in tow.
I keep hearing how brave this decision is. But, to me, it shows how urgently and desperately we needed significant change in our lives.
Every time I replay what has happened to my life since that conversation, I still don’t believe it. I intentionally worked my ass off to build the career and life that I had. At the time of that conversation, I was lined up for another promotion, one that I earned right before I headed out on maternity leave. I had the career, the marriage, the house, and one beautiful boy with another on the way.
I had ticked off milestone after milestone of my plan for the life I always wanted. Yet, I was so deeply burned out that I was ready to burn it to the ground.
I’d love to tell you that the bravado of that moment lasted, and we never doubted our decision again. But that’s not reality, as much as it makes for a good story. Over the next almost year, we had many “Oh shit, are we really doing this?!” conversations. When my husband was laid off only a month after the birth of our little boy, I took it as the universe kicking us out of the nest. It gave us the final nudge we needed to make it happen.
While this journey of moving across the world and living in a different culture hasn’t been easy, I do not regret leaving and sacrificing what we built. I am immensely grateful to the younger version of myself who found the strength and clarity to take this leap.
I often wonder what the world would look like if we listened to more of the whispers of the dreams we too often ignore.
Well, it was a fun trip down memory lane to reflect on the moments that changed the course of your life. So often, it’s the little moments and impromptu conversations that change your trajectory.
In the coming weeks, I’ll write more about intentional living and building a life more aligned with your values. If you have any questions, DM me or drop a note in the comments. I’d love to hear from you! 🫶
Until next time,
P.S. If you want to hear more about my journey and what it’s like living abroad, check out these posts!
I enjoyed this story of your decision-making process Cheyanne and finding your desires. I like that you share the ups and downs of this which resonates for me and my own journey living abroad. Thank you
I’m going to try the desire-pulling exercise this week! Think I know my heart’s desire but let’s see what comes up.